growing up?

Yesterday I was thinking how nice it would be for me to be able to throw a temper tantrum and have my mom or dad come and take care of everything in my world. But thats not reality, now is it? 🙂 Instead of giving into that, I imagined Vivien’s mom, and our friend, Edna squaring her shoulders and getting on with life. (at her funeral people spoke of her doing this when faced with adversity and it really made an impression on me.) Because there is so much to be done, but you know the feeling you get when someone you love is in the hospital? That anxious nervous feeling? Thats how I have felt for a few weeks now non-stop.

We are cleaning out Jan’s old house. Wednesday evening someone called about something I listed on craigs for Jan. I was already there so I stayed to meet the guy. He got out of the car and was this older guy with a regal looking hat that said US Air Force with pins on it and stuff. Ernie said, ‘ My dad served in the air force.’ It was an instant connection. The man looked a bit like Jerry Garcia with long hair, but he had the sweetest spirit. He talked of serving, I could have listened to his stories all night. He genuinely inquired about Ernie’s dad and mom since he knew we were moving her. His daughter was with them and they had the sweetest family. We learned about him being given the anthrax vaccination 10 years ago and it resulting in him being disabled permanently. He walked with a cane, but had such a good spirit. Pray for him if you think to, his name is Gary.

I cant stop thinking of this man. I imagined big Ernie coming out of the house, down the front steps to greet him. He would have loved to chat with this guy about the air force. They seemed to be the same age, served at the same time. Ernies dad was such a people person. We all held hands and prayed before they left, for his hurt back and his family. I cried silently, missing Ernies dad. I havent blogged about him very much. How much I miss him, how good he was to me. Right now may not be the best time with all thats going on and emotions all over the place. But I do miss him. I wish he was still here for Ernie and Chrissy right now too. he was such a good, good man.

So all of these thoughts bring me to my desire to have a temper tantrum. I am a grown up now, 30 years old and all. 🙂 I dont feel like a grown up. Sometimes I still feel like a scared little girl. But I have literally felt God holding us uip, working things out for us. I have no idea what the blogs have been about the last few days I just have felt a need to connect with you all, even if im not saying anything profound. I need my people. Thank you all for for loving us, the cards, the phone calls, the hugs in wal-mart, the prayers, the food brought over, you will never ever know how your love has enveloped us during this time. I cry as I type that out, we are so blessed. So many people travel this road alone.

We find out today the results of the PET scan and Jan is getting her port put in right now too. Keep praying. Love to all.

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2 Responses to growing up?

  1. Janelle says:

    That is the sweetest experience with that man, Gary. I know that feeling well, not feeling up the task, but praise God we know where our help comes from. I thank God for the confidence we have in Him! I thought of these scritpures …

    Psalm 121
    A song of ascents.
    1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
    where does my help come from?
    2 My help comes from the LORD,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

    3 He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;

    “A song of ascents.” – how true!

  2. Sarah says:

    Janelle,
    I love that scripture and dont think I have ever seen that ‘song of ascents’-wow. Thank you for posting it. Our God does not sleep. He is always watching over us. Another wow.

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