It was so nice to be back in service last night. With sickness and being gone, it had been almost 2 weeks since I have been to church. 2 weeks= too long. I felt something so special last night with our visitors! I am anxious to see what the Lord has in store for us.. I really enjoyed what he said about waiting 19 years for the Lord to reveal what He meant by the promise he had been given. As Abraham had to wait, sometimes we have to wait- remaining faithful through the waiting..
I found a book I forgot I had while dusting yesterday compiled of poems and writings of my youth. I opened the pages and the feelings of my teen years came flooding back. The drawings, the poetry, the confusion, the feeling lost. Some of the words were so sad. I was searching so bad for something real to hold onto. The Lord knew I needed Him. Some of it actually made me cry, despair is the only word I can use to describe it.
I think about healing a lot. I guess its so much a theme in my thinking, its always there just under the surface of anything I think about. Often wondering why the Lord chooses to heal some and not others. I have to cling to the Isaiah 55 scripture, ‘my thoughts are not your thoughts… as far as heaven is from earth is as far as my thoughts are from yours..’ (paraphrasing..) Maybe its a lack of sincerity in the people, maybe a lack of faith on my part, maybe His plan we just really dont really understand, the timing of it all. I have often thought maybe its the time for spiritual healings, which really is quite important. I dont remember reading about anyone Jesus physically healed following Him. But those that He spiritually healed, a lot of them did..
Looking at my dusty old book I realized something. He didnt take any physical crutches away from me, throwing them down and running around a church, but I did throw my emotional crutches away. Learning to walk without them, leaning on Him. It happened fast, and then it happened slow, still tossing them aside sometimes. But reading the book that I used to be surprised me.. My thinking actually has been changed. When He gave me a new heart – I also got a new mind.
I want Him to know, Im so thankful. Overwhelmed with gratitude. Being emotionally or spiritually healed is such a big deal. Forgiveness is a big deal. Learning to walk with a sound mind is a big deal. Peace is a big deal. I dont want to minimize what He has done because I dont understand why some of my prayers weren’t answered. I want to have eyes to see what He is doing, even if I don’t understand it all, I want to remain faithful.
Because He is good. good, so good to me. Good, Gods been so good to me. He saved, He thrills me with the Holy Ghost He fills me, Oh, Gods been so good to me.. (in my mind, this is how the song goes.)