Blogging through it.

I spent a lot of time the other night looking at all the blogs on Biblical Womanhood.com just sort of searching around at others blogs’. Reading about encouraging things others are experiencing. Everything was encouraging, positive. Im thankful for that, but sometimes it is encouraging to me to see that there are people blogging in their funk. Its so rare. Like there are none. It was like I was grasping for someone to be struggling and still hanging onto God like I was. For someone to be feeling like I have been. No one really likes to talk about feeling like this, its not encouraging. Right?

It’s been a hard week. At night, its been hard to sleep, my mind wont shut off until 3 am or so. Worries, distresses, anxieties, fears, questions. I came home from church Sunday alone. Ernie was home with a migraine, when I came home he was throwing up from it. Nice. I was so troubled. I sat on the bed and started to pray for him. Instantly a thought came into my mind. “Why would the Lord hear you praying for Ernie?” It was like when Jesus was tempted in the wilderness. I have been very discouraged about Grahm still, struggling through. Wondering why He would hear my prayers for Ernie and not heal Grahm. I was determined to not let these ‘birds’ of thoughts take nest in my mind. But it was hard.

It’s hard to admit this, publicly. I know God is able. All the things someone would use to encourage me. I already know. I know God is Good. I know He is the lily of the valley. I know! I dont want to discourage anyone. But Im a real person and this is just part of it. The reason I’m hanging on is because He has always been faithful to me, I know He won’t stop now.

I read this little book from the 1800’s that I got on eBay. Its called “Better Things” on the book of Hebrews. In it, he talks about drifting. And the word ‘lest.’ Lest is a warning word in the book of Hebrews. Lest we fall away.. etc. He talks about a boat drifting, how we can drift. But drifting is dangerous, because you can end up in the rocks, or worse.. When a wind comes and you are on course, it can further you along. A wind comes and you are drifting, it can mean danger. I want the Lord to use this to work things out in me. Its not always comfortable to have the Lord work things out in you. To see in fact, how little faith I seem to have right now. But I want it to make me stronger. I saw this scripture again posted today in a few places. It encourages me every time I dont understand something.

‘My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord.” Isaiah 55:8

Thats just it. We have to Trust Him. When things dont make sense. Trust Him when it hurts, Believe on Him-when its hard. The scriptures say He is not the author of confusion but of peace. If we press through confusion, we’ll find peace. Its there. Its good to head to the scriptures when my ‘feelings’ are all over the place. The word is steady and solid. We can anchor in the word and drift no more.

A song was on my heart this morning when I woke up. I dont think I have all the words right.. But still, I sang it.

“In the valley, O so low, on the mountain O so tall, you satasfy my longing soul and let me know, you’re in control. I love to worship you, I love to worship you. With my hands, my heart, my soul, I give you praise.” I felt such peace this morning in this song. There is peace. In the valleys, there is peace. If we seek it, He can calm our troubled hearts.

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5 Responses to Blogging through it.

  1. Ernie says:

    Going thru dry times is part of the growing process. It is never pleasant but it is part of the journey. One thing no matter what we go thru no one or no thing can take Christ from us!

    Pe 1:5 Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
    1Pe 1:6 Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations:
    1Pe 1:7 That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:
    1Pe 1:8 Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:

    I have been listening to this song over and over and it takes me back to where we where brought from. After listening to it makes me remember. He has redeemed my soul from the pit of emptiness, no one could do anything for me, to my blackened branches HE brought the springtime of a new LIFE! —

    [audio src="http://www.dougtanner.com/music/Doug%20Tanner%20-%20You%20Have%20Redeemed%20My%20Soul.mp3" /]

  2. Janelle says:

    It’s interesting Ernie mentioned the growing process. This morning one of my devotionals that I read was pointing out the difference between growing and changing. It said the world is full of change – new improved model gets put on the shelves so we’ll throw away our old one and buy more. But for a child of God there is growth, not just change. And it is painful. I’ve been struggling too. I’ve thought about writting a “Blue Christmas” blog. 🙂 Thanks for actually doing it.

  3. Tina says:

    Strange as it may seem to you, I woke up this morning singing a song that was on the “Wilkinson” CD from KankaKee. I haven’t listened to that CD is months but today I dusted it off and put in the player and listened to “SHOW ME YOUR FACE” and one of my favorites, “LOOK INSIDE MY HEART”. The song you mentioned is also on this CD, “I LOVE TO WORSHIP YOU”. Perhaps it’s not a big deal to you, but I thought it really “wow” that you and I were thinking of the same songs this morning.

    Anyway, my first comment is you are very brave to post your true feelings for all the world to see. I have wanted to do that several times but I haven’t had the guts to do it just yet. I have spoken a little freely, but I haven’t completely let it all out. It is refreshing to know that there are other people out there who are discouraged…. sometimes when I read everyone’s blogs and they are so “upbeat” and “encouraged” I tend to feel down and depressed because I don’t always feel upbeat and happy too! What is wrong with me??? (That is what I ask myself).

    I started a post but I haven’t had the time to finish it, perhaps I will work on that this week. But I heard a line in a song the other day. I have no idea what the song is about, but this line caught my ear:

    THE MOUNTAIN I CAN’T CLIMB IS JUST A GRAIN OF SAND

    God is sooo big. We cannot see and understand what he sees and what he knows. I think that is what is so frustrating in my own personal life is that I have so many questions and so many unanswered prayers that I wonder sometimes what I’m really doing here? God is sooo big… and little old me is good for nothing. I can’t do anything and I usually feel like my prayers go absolutely NO WHERE.

    And so I’ve been praying about it…. because I hate not having answers. And I think that God is helping me slowly but surely. God has a plan and you can’t see it completely….. but if you TRUST HIM…. you will begin to see through HIS EYES what you can’t necessarily see through your own. That is what the Lord has been talking to me about ….stop asking WHY and just TRUST. Lean on Him for all things and all things will work together for my good.

    I can’t see.
    I can’t understand.
    I don’t know.
    I am nothing.

    But God can see.
    He does understand.
    He does know all about it.
    HE IS EVERYTHING.

  4. Tina says:

    He’s in Control.
    He’s still on the thrown.
    So don’t be dismayed when things are going wrong.
    He is Jesus Christ the same for yesterday and today.
    And forever more…
    He is Lord.

    (I should have just posted my own dad gum blog).

  5. Gina says:

    You don’t have to apologize for being human:) It is thriough these hard times that we come out with more faith, more zeal, more character, which we couldn’t have giotten any other way, but through the fire. I am praying god will bring you through, just as He faithfully has before; know that you have friends who love and care about your trials:) Love you!!!!!

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