Honesty

Im feeling a little down today.  yesterday too. Before church I was laying on my bed just feeling numb-checked out while the boys watched a movie. My house is usually in a busy whirlwind before Dad gets home too, but not last night. Ernie on the phone asked me what was wrong and I didnt know. Grahm Wolf died yesterday, the 9 year old little boy with cancer we have been praying for for over a year now. The day was okay before that news but after that, just didnt much feel like doing anything. We prayed for that boy like he was our own. Thats just it, he could have been.  Sickness makes me sad. At first I was a little upset that the Lord didnt heal him. But I am not God. I dont know why or what or anything really. Im sure the Lord wants us to be able to pray for each other with feelings that could move mountains, and maybe we are getting there. I dont know. Its just so confusing.

So we went to church and Fred was there. I wish everyone would pray for him, he needs to be well and find peace in his life. He has been through things, Im sure that we couldnt even imagine. Traumatic things, and that changes you. I really want to see him well, I know the Lord could use him. I didnt feel particularly lifted when I left church but I know it was good for me to go. Just being around my friends helped. Everyone is struggling with something. When we can put all that aside and worship together anyways, He sees that. He knows we are suffering, he must have been aching yesterday too. Something inside of me wants to just push it away, hoping to not have to deal with it. If I think about anything TOO much it consumes me and I wont be able to function.

Sure puts things into perspective. When I found out, I was stressing about all the things I had to do before Christmas. My mypublisher.com order got all messed up, I had just left the dentist which I hate, and I was hurrying home to my kids. Everything fell away the minute I got the call.

We all should just enjoy each other every single day. I am leaving in a bit to take my boys to the doctor for their well checks. There is a chance we wont be coming back. Every one of us is like that. I think Bro Denny said last night, live every day like it was your last. You cant be on your face all day worshipping God of course, we have things we have to do, responsibilities. But I can be in my heart. I can appreciate everyone in my life every single day. I can love up my kids every second that they are growing. I can be kind to everyone I meet, everyone responds to kindness. I can give everyone the benefit of a doubt.. why not? I can live without anxiety, Jesus says to be not anxious. I can have a day that Im depressed and down. He’s the Lily of the Valley, right? I dont really know where this blog is going. I just wanted to put how I have been feeling these past 2 days, someone out there must relate. If you prayed for this little boy like he was your own, you must feel like I do at least a little. But God is still good. That is our bottom line. We dont have to be singing and dancing to remind ourselves that He is still good.

Isaiah 55:8-12

8For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD.
9(A) For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

10(B) “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven
and do not return there but water the earth,
making it bring forth and sprout,
(C) giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
11so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth;
it shall not return to me empty,
but(D) it shall accomplish that which I purpose,
and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it.

12(E) “For you shall go out in joy
and be led forth in peace;
(F) the mountains and the hills before you
shall break forth into singing,
and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.

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3 Responses to Honesty

  1. Gina says:

    I’m sorry about the little boy. But like you said, God’s ways are not ours. I hope you’re feeling more encouraged today. I love you!!

  2. Pauline Vanderburgh says:

    Dear Sarah & the family of Grahm Wolf,
    We are so sorry for your loss. Grahm is with God & not suffering. God has a master plan & we have to respect that.
    Suggest the family get into a Hospice group with other parents that have lost their children. There are many stages a parent goes through with losing a child. They can help with there feelings at this time.
    Sarah check your mail box at this time for Bradley & Rees presents.
    With all my love,
    Grandpa Abe & Grandma Pauline

  3. Janelle says:

    I know how you feel. My kids were driving me crazy last night, and I just thanked God that I had them. I came home and turned on Oprah (I honestly never watch her) and some guy was singing about if he could have anything in the world, he’d want another “ordinary day with you.” The tears just poured out. I’m sure that’s the heart’s cry of Grahm’s mother. I keep looking at Elijah and thinking of what she thought when her little boy was 2, all the plans and dreams. I never thought I would quote my brother so much, but he told Chrissy that the only promise the Lord really gave us was salvation for our souls, not our bodies. That has come to me over and over lately. Praise God for the salvation of Grahm’s family! They have a hope to see him again. God is good all the time, even in sorrow.

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