Just trying to figure all this out….

I just saw this morning Jonathans comment on my ‘Fair Sunshine’ blog. Apathy vs Complacency. Now there are some thoughts to start going through your head first thing in the morning! I remember feeling apathetic when I was 14 I think and Kurt Cobain killed himself. I was apathetic when my step-mom and dad got divorced. I am no stranger to this feeling. I normally feel things. Deeply. So when apathy sets in, for me. Its weird for me not to feel anything. I have felt this a little lately.

My brother and I used to go visit in the summertime Grandma Pauline and Grandpa Abe- (my step-brothers real dads mom-no blood relation to me but she always loved me and still does to this day.) I felt so safe there. She had a pool, always had snacks, and really talked with us, loved being with us, you could tell. Grandpa Abe would take us every morning to his donut shop in downtown Hemet and we would sit for a long time and just hang out. They had this bedroom with clowns all over it. It really scared me and I made Jason take this room. I got the room with the big white bed in it. This bed is attached to my fondest, safest memories in all my childhood and I don’t think I have ever told anyone that! I loved going to bed at night there, I felt so safe, so loved, so warm and like life was just perfect there.

Wonder if Grandma Pauline still has this bed. Lately I have been wanting to go visit there and just crash in it. I want to be 9 again and her just take care of me. Sometimes it feels like life is too suffocating and the way we deal with it is Apathy. Sometimes life hurts and Apathy is our defense. Ha-Ha! Got you! I will just turn everything off and feel nothing! But this is no response. Not when we have what we do in the Lord.

My husband has opened and laying in front of my computer a book. (hint? lol) and it talks about living a life of thanksgiving, but giving a life of thanksliving! What a concept! Job says, “Though He slays me!” I dont really think we choose apathy so much as apathy chooses us. Apathy is one of the powers and principalities we are up fighing against.

Today, I take a stand against it.

Romans 8:38+39 says “For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to seperate us from the love of God in Jesus Christ, our Lord.”

I add to this nor apathy nor complacency.

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9 Responses to Just trying to figure all this out….

  1. Grandma Pauline says:

    Dear Sarah & your dear family,
    I read your blog printed it read it to Grandpa Abe. Tears of hapiness came from both of us. God is good. Yes, we still have the clown room & the big white bed. We also have the love for you & family as we did your younger years.
    We are so proud of you & your husband & two great boys which we consider our Great Grand children. Thank you for such great memories plus you & family are always welcome to our safe home. It might need some dusting but the love is still there. God is so good & we are so blessed to have a family like yours.
    Grandpa Abe & Grandma Pauline

  2. T Rowe says:

    Loved the comment from Grandma Pauline. That is so awesome. Sounds like just the place I’d like to visit? Can I come too?

    Funny, the older you get… the younger you wish you were. I tell my kids all the time to enjoy being 12… God, I wish I was 12 again.

  3. bellissimanh says:

    Great memories… and what a gift for your Grandma Pauline to be able to see how much you treasured your time with her. You are both blessed. 🙂

  4. Sarah says:

    Grandma- you little lurker!! I didnt know you read my blog. i love you very much and am glad i got to tell you that, even if it was just on a blog. we are hoping to be able to make it out there next spring. then you can meet these 3 men of mine! love always, S

  5. bellissimanh says:

    Did you catch today’s Blackaby devotional, Sarah? 🙂 Romans 8… loved it! 🙂

  6. Sarah says:

    Heather,
    Oh ya! My favorite line is this..
    “If you base your view of God’s love on your circumstances, you will become confused.”
    I read Blackaby faithfully after our friend got us the devotion for Christmas im hooked! Its the only one besides My Utmost for His Highest that zings me every day!

  7. jmdurr says:

    Ok…we’re all coming to Grandma Pauline’s! 🙂 I’ll even take the clown room! 😉 It’s good to know that there are people who really love you and are rooting for you. Especially the Lord. He’s our biggest fan! Not willing that ANY should perish! How sad that we can become apathetic about the Lord. Just think how deeply Jesus really FEELS when we are hurting. Great thoughts Sarah.

  8. rachel says:

    I think perhaps Grandma Pauline should start a blog – “Summertime lessons on love, warmth, and security from Grandma Pauline”. 🙂

  9. rachel says:

    Oops! I think I hit the wrong parentheses for that smiley. It WAS supposed to be a happy face!. I’ll try that again. 🙂

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